Thursday, September 27, 2007

Cellphone Envy Among Fish - What's Next?

Yesterday when I was visiting my friends at PTI and getting my cellphone replaced, Darryl mentioned that he had just read my blog and wondered if I left my cellphone in the fishbowl for Ralph. At that point I had taken the cellphone back out, I just put it in to take the picture. But then after I got back to my office, I got to thinking, why not? I bet Ralph was enjoying being the only pet fighting fish with his own personal Motorola Razor cellphone. I'm guessing that in addition to Ralph enjoying the novelty of it, it would also make a great conversation piece. Although that would also mean that I would have to tell the story of how it wound up in Ralph's bowl in the first place, and I would continually have to admit to being absentminded enough to take my cellphone diving in the first place. And if you don't know how my cellphone wound up in Ralphs bowl, you'll have to read the post about it yesterday. But Ralph was staring across the desk at the cellphone that once was his with those sad fish eyes of his, so I figured what the heck.

After a couple hours I noticed that Ralph was swimming up to numbers on the phone, and he kept repeating the same pattern. I thought it was very strange, but all the sudden it dawned on me, I wondered if he was trying to send text messages. I mean do any of us really know how much a fish that sits on our desk day after day learns from us? Maybe the reason we have never really learned their abilities is that we've never bothered giving them cellphones before. So I finally started trying to figure out what he was spelling, and the best I can make out, he was saying "mor fud pleez". So maybe his spelling wasn't the best, but Ralph was trying to ask for more food please. Maybe I should set open books in front of his bowl so he can work on his spelling a bit.

So I gave him some more food, and I figured as long as I was at it, I should probably give Tempy some more food too. For those of you who don't know, Tempy is the beta fish in the bowl next to Ralph. Then Tempy came flying up toward his food, but instead of eating it, he started flicking it all out of his bowl, as if he was upset with me or something. I stared in at the tempermental little fish wondering what his problem was. It seemed like he kept doing head nods toward the cellphone in Ralph's bowl. Could it be that Tempy was jealous? Was this the first documented case of cellphone envy among pet fish? I guess you know what I did next. Yup, that's right, I went out and bought Tempy his own Motorola Razor cellphone. After all, I couldn't be showing preference to my fish. So what if his name is Tempy, which stands for temporary, I think he's gotten over that by now. So now all seems peaceful in the fish world on my desk. Tempy and Ralph text back and forth all day and seem much happier about things.

But then I got to thinking, what if some of the evil Dive Masters out there start spreading word among the turtles and nudibranchs that my fish have their own cellphones? Will they be jealous and demand their own before they let me take their pictures in the future? What if one of those dastardly Dive Masters tells one turtle that I've taken way more pictures of one of the other turtles and I've hardly posted any of them? Am I going to have to start watching my back while diving from now on? Just how far will this go? And really, just how jealous and materialistic are fish, turtles and nudibranchs? Have I started a trend that I will live to regret? Will Ralph and Tempy start spying on me for the devious Dive Masters and text them with insider information on me? I think you can see that I may have opened a can of worms that would have been better left closed. Well, I'll let you know of any further updates in this story, but for the time being, if I were you, I wouldn't be giving your pet fish his own cellphone.

p.s. - In the interest of accuracy, I have to admit that I didn't give Tempy a brand new cellphone, I bought him a second hand phone and kept the new one for myself. The rest of this amazing story is more or less true. Well, I do have fish named Ralph and Tempy on my desk, and Ralph does have his own cellphone in his bowl now. However much of the rest of the story you choose to believe is entirely up to you.


Tamara said...

ha ha ha...thank god I don't have fish..cell phones are expensive! Hope my cats don't read your blog and start "meowing" for one..he he..

Sarah Beth said...

I still think you should tell the rest of the story, Billy.

Jake said...

that's the most interestingly random blog i've read in a long time. lol. LOVED IT!